spotlight

  Corrupting minds since 2004 ....

 
 

Monday, December 3, 2018
Men Are Just Happier People!

What do you expect from such simple creatures?

Your last name stays the same. The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another snack. You can never be pregnant. You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. You can wear no shirt to a water park. Car mechanics tell you the truth. The world is your urinal. You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky. You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut or a bolt. Wrinkles add character. Wedding dress - $5,000. Tux rental - $100. People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.

New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet you have one mood all the time. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. You know stuff about tanks. A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase. You can open all your own jars.

You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend. Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack. Two pairs of shoes are more than enough. You almost never have strap problems in public. You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.

Everything on your face stays its original color. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades. You only have to shave your face and neck. You can play with toys all your life. One wallet and one pair of shoes - one color for all seasons. You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.

You can 'do' your nails with a pocket knife. You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache. You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes (gift cards). No wonder men are happier!


NICKNAMES:
If Laura, Kate, and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah. If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Bubba, and Wild Man.

EATING OUT
When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though the total is only $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back. When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.

MONEY
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need, but it's on sale.

BATHROOMS
A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 137. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.

ARGUMENTS
A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

FUTURE
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

MARRIAGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does.

DRESSING UP
A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail. A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.

NATURAL
Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed. Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

OFFSPRING
Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears, and hopes and dreams. A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY.
A married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing!

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Monday, November 5, 2018

Look what a cartoonist had released the day after he died ....

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Tuesday, October 30, 2018
GREAT SEA STORY

The passenger steamer SS Warrimoo was quietly knifing its way through the waters of the mid-Pacific on its way from Vancouver to Australia. The navigator had just finished working out a star fix and brought Captain John DS. Phillips, the result. The Warrimoo's position was LAT 0º 31' N and LONG 179 30' W. The date was 31 December 1899.

"Know what this means?" First Mate Payton broke in, "We're only a few miles from the intersection of the Equator and the International Date Line". Captain Phillips was prankish enough to take full advantage of the opportunity for achieving the navigational freak of a lifetime. He called his navigators to the bridge to check & double check the ship's position. He changed course slightly so as to bear directly on his mark. Then he adjusted the engine speed. The calm weather & clear night worked in his favor. At mid-night the SS Warrimoo lay on the Equator at exactly the point where it crossed the International Date Line! The consequences of this bizarre position were many:

  1. The forward part (bow) of the ship was in the Southern Hemisphere & in the middle of summer.

  2. The rear (stern) was in the Northern Hemisphere & in the middle of winter.

  3. The date in the aft part of the ship was 31 December 1899.

  4. In the bow (forward) part it was 1 January 1900.

This ship was therefore not only in:

Two different days,

Two different months,

Two different years,

Two different seasons

But in two different centuries - all at the same time.

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Wednesday, October 24, 2018

{click! vergrößert die Abbildung}

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Thursday, October 18, 2018

On their way to a church to get married, a young Catholic couple were involved in a fatal car accident.

Being good Catholics the young couple find themselves sitting outside the Pearly Gates waiting for St. Peter to process them into Heaven.

While waiting, they begin to wonder: could they possibly get married in Heaven?

When St. Peter finally showed up, they asked him.

St. Peter said "I don't know. This is the first time anyone has asked. Let me go find out" and he leaves them sitting at the Gate.

After three months, St. Peter finally returns, looking somewhat bedraggled. "Yes" he informs the couple "I can get you married in Heaven".

"Great!" said the couple "But we were just wondering, what if things don't work out? Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?"

"You must be joking" says St. Peter, red-faced with frustration, slamming his clipboard on the ground.

"What's wrong?" asked the frightened couple.

"OH, COME ON!" St. Peter shouted "It took me three months to find a priest up here....
Do you have any idea how long it'll take me to find a lawyer?"

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Saturday, October 6, 2018

The last three Presidents went up to heaven and stood in front of the Lord.

The Lord asked President Bush what he held dear to his heart.
Bush answered "Free trade, a strong America, and a proud Nation."
"OK" said the Lord "take a seat to my right".

He turns to Obama and wants to know his thoughts.
Obama answers "Democracy, help for the needy, World peace".
"OK" says the Lord "You come sit on my left side".

Turning towards Trump the Lord asks "What do you believe in?"
Trump says:
"I believe you are sitting on my chair!"

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Sunday, September 30, 2018
ITALIAN PASTA DIET

IT REALLY WORKS !!


  1. You walka pasta da bakery.

  2. You walka pasta da candy store.

  3. You walka pasta da Ice Cream shop.

  4. You walka pasta da table and fridge.

You will lose weight!

Good luck trying
& if you really want to eat a good pizza you need to bake one yourself.
The recipe & how to cook it is shown there →

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Monday, September 17, 2018
Air Show Disaster

AIRCRAFT HITS FOUR BUILDINGS

This is tough to watch.

It just shows the dangers of attending these events.

Amazing photo below shows great detail.

The pilot at low level had no control over his aircraft.

It narrowly misses a crowd gathered for the air show and slams into four buildings.

One can only imagine the horror of the occupants inside those buildings.

No one was killed, but it scared the sh*t out of them.
 

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Thursday, September 13, 2018
A matter of "Degree"

The difference is one of degree, not of kind.

Lord Beaverbrook is said to have met an American actress,
presumably at a cocktail party in Toronto, in 1937.
He teased her with the question,
“Would you live with a stranger for a million dollars?”

She said, “Yes.”

“And what about for five pounds?”

She fumed, “What do you think I am?”

He replied,
“We’ve already established that.
Now we are trying to determine the degree.”

[credits]

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Thursday, September 6, 2018
LEXOPHILE

"Lexophile" describes those who have a love for words, such as
"you can tune a piano, but you can't tuna fish,"
or "To write with a broken pencil is pointless."

An annual competition is held by the New York Times to see who can
create the best original lexophile.

This year's winning submission is posted at the very end.

No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

If you don't pay your exorcist you can get repossessed.

I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can't put it down.

I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.

Did you hear about the crossed-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils?

When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.

When chemists die, they barium.

I stayed up all night to see where the sun went, and then it dawned on me.

I changed my iPad's name to Titanic. It's syncing now.

England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool .

Haunted French pancakes give me the crepes.

This girl today said she recognized me from the Vegetarians Club,
but I'd swear I've never met herbivore.

I know a guy who's addicted to drinking brake fluid, but he says
he can stop any time.

A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.

When the smog lifts in Los Angeles U.C.L.A.

I got some batteries that were given out free of charge.

A dentist and a manicurist married. They fought tooth and nail.

A will is a dead giveaway.

With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.

Police were summoned to a daycare center where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.

Did you hear about the fellow whose entire left side was cut off?
He's all right now.

A bicycle can't stand alone; it's just two tired.

The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine last week is now
fully recovered.

He had a photographic memory but it was never fully developed.

When she saw her first strands of gray hair she thought she'd dye.

Those who get too big for their pants will be totally exposed in the end.

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Monday, August 27, 2018
Australian Muslims Request Bikini Ban

At Bondi beach, Muslims request beach ban of "BIKINIS" during RAMADAN:

 

Aussies reply with:

 

There we go again ----

Bowing to Muslim wishes!

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Wednesday, August 8, 2018

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Tuesday, July 17, 2018
truthdig II

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Monday, July 16, 2018
truthdig

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Thursday, July 12, 2018

His will provided $30,000 for an elaborate funeral. As the last guests departed the affair, his wife, Helen, turned to her oldest friend.

"Well, I'm sure Joe would be pleased," she said.

"I'm sure you're right," replied Sue, who lowered her voice and leaned in close. "So how much did this really cost?"

"All of it," said Helen.

"Thirty thousand." Sue exclaimed, "No! I mean, it was very nice, but $30,000?"

Helen answered,
"The funeral was $6,000.
I donated $500 to the church.
The wake, food, and drinks were another $500.
The rest went for the memorial stone.”

Sue thought for a minute, computing, and said,
"$23,000 for a memorial stone? Geez, how big is it?”

Helen said,
“Two and a half carats.”

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Wednesday, July 11, 2018

A SPANISH Teacher was explaining to her class that in Spanish, unlike English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine.

"House" for instance, is feminine: "la casa." "Pencil," however, is masculine: "el lapiz."

A student asked, "What gender is 'computer'?" Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two groups, male and female, and asked them to decide for themselves whether "computer" should be a masculine or a feminine noun .. Each group was asked to give four reasons for its recommendation.

The men's group decided that "computer" should definitely be of the feminine gender ("la computadora"), because:

  1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic;

  2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else;

  3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible later retrieval;

  4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your pay check on accessories for it.

The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be Masculine
("el computador"), because:

  1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on

  2. They have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves;

  3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem;

  4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better model.

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Thursday, July 5, 2018
Shame! Shame! Shame!

Obnoxious cruelty for Jesus: Trophy hunter Tess Thompson Talley is defending her senseless killing of a rare black giraffe

black giraffe down

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Monday, July 2, 2018

I planted some bird seed. A bird came up. Now I don't know what to feed it.

I had amnesia once -- or twice.

Protons have mass? I didn't even know they were Catholic.

All I ask is a chance to prove that money can't make me happy.

What is a "free" gift? Aren't all gifts free?

They told me I was gullible ... and I believed them.

Teach a child to be polite and courteous in the home and, when he grows up, he'll never be able to merge his car onto a freeway.

Two can live as cheaply as one, for half as long.

Experience is the thing you have left when everything else is gone.

What if there were no hypothetical questions?

One nice thing about egotists: They don't talk about other people.

When the only tool you own is a hammer, every problem begins to look like a nail.

A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.

What was the greatest thing before sliced bread?

I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.

The cost of living hasn't affected its popularity.

How can there be self-help "groups"?

Is there another word for synonym?

Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all"?

The speed of time is one-second per second.

Is it possible to be totally partial?

Is Marx's tomb a communist plot?

If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales?

Show me a man with both feet firmly on the ground, and I'll show you a man who can't get his pants off.

It's not an optical illusion. It just looks like one.

Is it my imagination, or do buffalo wings taste like chicken?

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Wednesday, June 27, 2018

[Source of picture]

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Alaska

More than half of the coastline of the entire United States is in Alaska.

Amazon

The Amazon rain forest produces more than 20% of the world's oxygen supply.

The Amazon River pushes so much water into the Atlantic Ocean that, more than one hundred miles at sea off the mouth of the river, one can dip fresh water out of the ocean. The volume of water in the Amazon river is greater than the next eight largest rivers in the world combined and three times the flow of all rivers in the United States.

Antarctica

Antarctica is the only land on our planet that is not owned by any country. Ninety percent of the world's ice covers Antarctica. This ice also represents seventy percent of all the fresh water in the world. As strange as it sounds, however, Antarctica is essentially a desert; the average yearly total precipitation is about two inches. Although covered with ice (all but 0.4% of it, ice.), Antarctica is the driest place on the planet, with an absolute humidity lower than the Gobi desert.

Brazil

Brazil got its name from the nut, not the other way around.

Canada

Canada has more lakes than the rest of the world combined. Canada is an Indian word meaning 'Big Village'.

Chicago

Next to Warsaw, Chicago has the largest Polish population in the world.

Detroit

Woodward Avenue in Detroit, Michigan, carries the designation M-1, so named because it was the first paved road anywhere.

Syria

Damascus, Syria, was flourishing a couple of thousand years before Rome was founded in 753 BC making it the oldest continuously inhabited city in existence.

Turkey

Istanbul, Turkey, is the only city in the world
located on two continents.

Los Angeles

The full name of Los Angeles is: El Pueblo de Nuestra Senora la Reina de Los Angeles de Porciuncula
-- and can be abbreviated to 3.63% of its size: L.A.

New York City

The term 'The Big Apple' was coined by touring jazz musicians of the 1930s who used the slang expression 'apple' for any town or city. Therefore, to play New York City is to play the big time - The Big Apple.

There are more Irish in New York City than in Dublin, Ireland;

more Italians in New York City than in Rome, Italy;

and more Jews in New York City than in Tel Aviv, Israel.

Ohio

There are no natural lakes in the state of Ohio, every one is man-made.

Pitcairn Island

The smallest island with country status is Pitcairn in Polynesia, at just 1.75 sq.miles / 4,53 sq.Km.

Rome

The first city to reach a population of 1 million people was Rome, Italy (in 133 B.C.)

There is a city called "Rome" on every continent.

S.M.O.M.

The actual smallest sovereign entity in the world
Is the Sovereign Military Order of Malta (S.M.O.M).
It is located in the city of Rome, Italy, and has an area of two tennis courts. And, as of 2001, has a population of 80, 20 less people than the Vatican. It is a sovereign entity under international law, just as the Vatican is.

Siberia

Siberia contains more than 25% of the world's forests.

Sahara Desert

In the Sahara Desert, there is a town named Tidikelt, Algeria, that did not receive a drop of rain for ten years. Technically, though, the driest place on Earth is in the valleys of the Antarctic near Ross Island. There has been no rainfall there for two million years

Spain

Spain literally means 'the land of rabbits'.

Minnesota

St. Paul, Minnesota, was originally called Pig's Eye after a man named Pierre 'Pig's Eye' Parrant who set up the first business there.

Roads

Chances that a road is unpaved:
in the U.S.A, = 1%;
in Canada = 75%

Russia

The deepest hole ever drilled by man is the Kola Superdeep Borehole, in Russia It reached a depth of 12,261 meters (about 40,226 feet or 7.62 miles.) It was drilled for scientific research and gave up some unexpected discoveries, one of which was a huge deposit of hydrogen - so massive that the mud coming from the hole was boiling with it.

United States

The Eisenhower interstate system requires that one mile in every five must be straight. These straight sections are usable as airstrips in times of war or other emergencies.

Waterfalls

The water of Angel Falls (the world's highest) in Venezuela drops 3,212 feet (979 meters.) They are 15 times higher than Niagara Falls.

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Tuesday, May 22, 2018
How can one tell the sex of flies ...?

I can relate to this ....

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Logic is overrated.

God is an hypothesis, and, as such, stands in need of proof: the onus probandi rests on the theist.

[Percy Bysshe Shelley, 1810]
 
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Comments
I assume this is a
mix of personal taste & tradition carried on by...
Mr.Yoda, 1 month ago
Good Pizza? Maybe “good” is
a kind of subjective definition, but this isn't the way...
c. araxe, 2 months ago
LOL
liuea, 1 year ago

Mr.Yoda, 1 year ago
gib einem christen einen fisch
und er teilt ihn mit seinem nächsten. gib einem...
liuea, 1 year ago
Mir gefällt die allerletzte Variante
- Brett gehalten von zwei Händen - am Besten....
Mr.Yoda, 2 years ago
Total klasse :D vor
allem die Schreibmaschinentastatur
Wolkenweberin, 2 years ago
appreciation amused
again
wilhelm peter, 4 years ago
"use common sense" was what
my foster father told me in '63 - how...
Mr.Yoda, 4 years ago
stop worrying about stop-lists die
ägypter hatten 40 verbote die juden 10 plus zahlreicher verhaltensorders...
wilhelm peter, 4 years ago
I wonder why the
man doesn't just walk off ....
Mr.Yoda, 5 years ago
super
wilhelm peter, 5 years ago

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