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  Corrupting minds since 2004 ....

 
 

Saturday, May 16, 2020

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Wednesday, April 29, 2020
A Recommendation From Your President

[ .... if you are American]

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Sunday, April 26, 2020

ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!


ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.


ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
WITNESS: July 18th.
ATTORNEY: What year?
WITNESS: Every year.


ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you shitting me?


ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Getting laid


ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death..
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.


ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male.


ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.


ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.


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Friday, April 24, 2020

Book titles:

The English Patient
Had
Caught
It
On the Beach
I Should Have Stayed Home
She Said
Now
She Was
In Quarantine
In The Dark
House of Splendid Isolation
Still
Hope Springs Eternal
With A Little Bit Of Luck
Common Sense
And
Personal Hygiene
Horror Stories
Must End Soon
Always Remember
Clean Hands Save Lives
And
When In Doubt
Don't
Go
Out!

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Saturday, April 11, 2020
I scream ice cream

Today I'll tell you a story to keep you cheered up, about two sisters who went to get ice cream.

The older one about eight, the little one about four. The older girl put the money on the counter and told the lady who served them what flavor they wanted. The first cup was soon done and the lady told her

"Here's the first one, why don't you give it to your little sister?"

The older girl said
"She will wait for the second cup!"

and started licking on hers. The lady said to the little girl

"Oh, I just see that you are lucky today - there's more than one portion in the box but not enough for a full size to sell - so you get some more ice cream for no extra charge!"

The moment she put it on the counter the older girl hastily grabbed it , handed the already half eaten cup to the little sister and said

"I'll take the big one so you don't get sick from too much ice cream and you can have the other one!"

[We have a saying for this in German, hard to translate exactly, but similar to the following:
"Brotherly divided - Sisterly cheated"]

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Monday, April 6, 2020
THE U.S. TIMELINE how it REALLY happened

Joe Becigneul
m.facebook.com

UNBELIEVABLE.
JUST SO WE ARE CLEAR ON THE U.S. TIMELINE:

Dec 18th - House Impeaches Trump

Jan 8th - First CDC warning

Jan 9th - Trump campaign rally
Jan 14th - Trump campaign rally

Jan 16h - House sends impeachment articles to Senate

Jan 18th - Trump golfs
Jan 19th - Trump golfs

Jan- 20th first case in South Korea

Jan 20th - first case of corona virus in the US, Washington State.

Jan 22nd - “We have it totally under control. It’s one person coming in from China. It’s going to be just fine.”

Jan 28th - Trump campaign rally
Jan 30th - Trump campaign rally

Feb 1st - Trump golfs

Feb 2nd - “We pretty much shut it down coming in from China."
Feb 5th - Senate votes to acquit. Then takes a five-day weekend.

Feb 10th - Trump campaign rally

Feb 12th - Dow Jones closes at an all time high of 29,551.42

Feb 15h - Trump golfs

Feb 19th - Trump campaign rally
Feb 20th - Trump campaign rally
Feb 21st - Trump campaign rally

Feb 24th - “The Coronavirus is very much under control in the USA… Stock Market starting to look very good to me!”

Feb 25h - “CDC and my Administration are doing a GREAT job of handling Coronavirus.”

Feb 25h - “I think that's a problem that’s going to go away… They have studied it. They know very much. In fact, we’re very close to a vaccine.”

Feb 26th - “The 15 (cases in the US) within a couple of days is going to be down to close to zero.”

Feb 26th - “We're going very substantially down, not up.” Also "This is a flu. This is like a flu"; "Now, you treat this like a flu"; "It's a little like the regular flu that we have flu shots for. And we'll essentially have a flu shot for this in a fairly quick manner."

February 27: “One day it’s like a miracle, it will disappear.”

Feb 28th - “We're ordering a lot of supplies. We're ordering a lot of, uh, elements that frankly we wouldn't be ordering unless it was something like this. But we're ordering a lot of different elements of medical.”

Feb 28th - Trump campaign rally

March 2nd - “You take a solid flu vaccine, you don't think that could have an impact, or much of an impact, on corona?”

March 2nd - “A lot of things are happening, a lot of very exciting things are happening and they’re happening very rapidly.”

March 4: “If we have thousands or hundreds of thousands of people that get better just by, you know, sitting around and even going to work — some of them go to work, but they get better.”

March 5th - “I NEVER said people that are feeling sick should go to work.”

March 5th - “The United States… has, as of now, only 129 cases… and 11 deaths. We are working very hard to keep these numbers as low as possible!”

March 6th - “I think we’re doing a really good job in this country at keeping it down… a tremendous job at keeping it down.”

March 6th - “Anybody right now, and yesterday, anybody that needs a test gets a test. They’re there. And the tests are beautiful…. the tests are all perfect like the letter was perfect. The transcription was perfect. Right? This was not as perfect as that but pretty good.”

March 6th - “I like this stuff. I really get it. People are surprised that I understand it… Every one of these doctors said, ‘How do you know so much about this?’ Maybe I have a natural ability. Maybe I should have done that instead of running for president.”

March 6th - “I don't need to have the numbers double because of one ship that wasn't our fault.”

March 7th - Trump golfs
March 8th - Trump golfs

March 8th - “We have a perfectly coordinated and fine tuned plan at the White House for our attack on CoronaVirus.”

March 9th - “This blindsided the world.”

March 13th - [Declared state of emergency]

March 17th - “This is a pandemic,” Mr. Trump told reporters. “I felt it was a pandemic long before it was called a pandemic.”

March 18th - "It’s not racist at all. No. Not at all. It comes from China. That’s why. It comes from China. I want to be accurate."

March 23th- Dow Jones closes at 18,591.93

March 25th - 3.3 million Americans file for unemployment.

March 30th - Dow Jones closes at 21,917.16

April 2nd - 6.6 million Americans file for unemployment.

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Sunday, April 5, 2020

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Saturday, April 4, 2020

In a small American town, a band of squirrels had become quite a problem.

The Presbyterian church called a meeting to decide what to do about their squirrel infestation. After much prayer and consideration, they concluded that the squirrels were predestined to be there, and they shouldn't interfere with God's divine will.

At the Baptist church the squirrels had taken an interest in the baptistery. The deacons met and decided to put a water-slide on the baptistery and let the squirrels drown themselves. The squirrels liked the slide and unfortunately, knew instinctively how to swim, so twice as many squirrels showed up the following week.

The Lutheran church decided that they were not in a position to harm any of God's creatures. So, they humanely trapped their squirrels and set them free near the Baptist church. Two weeks later the squirrels were back when the Baptists took down the water-slide.

The Episcopalians tried a much more unique path by setting out pans of whiskey around their church in an effort to kill the squirrels with alcohol poisoning. They sadly learned how much damage a band of drunk squirrels can do.

But the Catholic church came up with a very creative strategy. They baptized all the squirrels and made them members of the church. Now they only see them at Christmas and Easter.

And not much was heard from the Jewish synagogue. They took the first squirrel and circumcised him. They haven't seen a squirrel since.

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Sunday, March 29, 2020


Dr. Anthony Fauci speaks as U.S. President Donald Trump looks on.
[picture: screenshot]

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)

New evidence uncovered over the past several weeks indicates that intelligence is not contagious, a study by the Centers for Disease Control reports.

In a controlled experiment documented by the study, a seventy-nine-year-old man with intelligence was placed in close proximity to a seventy-three-year-old man without it for a period of several weeks to see if even a trace of his knowledge and expertise could be transmitted.

After weeks of near-constant exposure, however, the seventy-three-year-old man appeared “a hundred per cent asymptomatic” of intelligence, the researchers found.

“In terms of facts, data, and wisdom, there was zero community spread,” the report stated.

The researchers, however, left open the possibility that intelligence might be transmissible to other people, just not to the seventy-three-year-old who was the subject of the experiment.

“There is evidence to suggest that this subject has developed a super-immunity to intelligence, making it impossible for even rudimentary information to permeate his extraordinarily thick cranium,” the study indicated.

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Saturday, February 8, 2020

A certain little girl, when asked her name, would reply,
"I'm Mr. Sugarbrown's daughter."

Her mother told her this was wrong, she must say,
"I'm Jane Sugarbrown."

The Vicar spoke to her in Sunday School, and said,

"Aren't you Mr. Sugarbrown's daughter?"

She replied, "I thought I was, but mother says I'm not."

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Monday, December 23, 2019

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Wednesday, October 16, 2019

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Wednesday, October 2, 2019
Watch out ...!
 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 
      
  Which picture
is
your favourite?

Leave
a
comment!  

 

 

 

 

 

 

 
 

[Received via E-Mail from a friend]

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Thursday, September 19, 2019

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Wednesday, August 7, 2019

→ VIDEO

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Sunday, August 4, 2019
Help needed ...! ¹update¹

A friend living in the USA owns a statue (as shown below) and would like to buy a TWIN, i.e. an identical one.
The person he bought it from was from Europe, but he doesn't live any more. So he can't ask where he got it from.

Who has seen a statue similar
to this one and where?

Maybe it will be possible to purchase it there.

Thank you for your help!

click! on the picture enlarges

→→→ update:
Possibly this originates not from Europe,
but from Mexico

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Thursday, June 13, 2019

["click!" on picture enlarges; via www.dailycartoonist.com]

Based on an article in → 'the week'

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Monday, April 29, 2019

The baby is born. The mother meets with the doctor .... they wrap the baby beautifully and then the doctor and the mother determine whether or not they will execute the baby.


Das Baby ist geboren. Die Mutter trifft sich mit dem Arzt. Sie wickeln das Baby schön ein und dann bestimmen der Arzt und die Mutter, ob sie das Baby hinrichten oder nicht.

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Monday, April 8, 2019

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Saturday, April 6, 2019

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Thursday, March 21, 2019
Islamophobia

The invention of Islamophobia
By Pascal Bruckner 13.12.2010.

Partial Translation of the Original Text found here → www.perlentaucher.de

Criticism of religion is not racism.

The term intends to intimidate. Above all, he wants to silence all those Muslims who question the Koran and demand equality between the sexes.

In the late 1970s, Iranian fundamentalists invented the term Islamophobia, which they took away from "xenophobia." His goal is to make Islam something untouchable. Anyone who exceeds this newly set limit is considered a racist. This term worthy of totalitarian propaganda purposely leaves open whether it targets a religion, a belief system, or the faithful of all the Lord's lands that belong to it.

A denomination can't be equated either with race nor a secular ideology. To Islam, as well as to Christianity, people from Arabia, Africa, Asia or Europe profess, just as people of all countries were or are Marxists, liberals, anarchists. Until proven otherwise, everyone in a democracy has the right to regard religions as a backward conglomerate of lies and dislike them. One might consider it to be legitimate or absurd that some mistrust Islam - as they once did towards Catholicism - and reject its aggressive proselytism and claim of being the only truth - but it is not an expression of racism.

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Logic is overrated.

God is an hypothesis, and, as such, stands in need of proof: the onus probandi rests on the theist.

[Percy Bysshe Shelley, 1810]
 
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Hi Cleoshopsmore, .... I'm sorry
I did not see your comment earlier - but better...
Mr.Yoda, 2 months ago
danza del flori Hello, the
person that commented earlier is correct it is Mexico -...
Cleoshopsmore, 9 months ago
I assume this is a
mix of personal taste & tradition carried on by...
Mr.Yoda, 2 years ago
Good Pizza? Maybe “good” is
a kind of subjective definition, but this isn't the way...
c. araxe, 2 years ago
LOL
liuea, 3 years ago

Mr.Yoda, 3 years ago
gib einem christen einen fisch
und er teilt ihn mit seinem nächsten. gib einem...
liuea, 3 years ago
Mir gefällt die allerletzte Variante
- Brett gehalten von zwei Händen - am Besten....
Mr.Yoda, 4 years ago
Total klasse :D vor
allem die Schreibmaschinentastatur
Wolkenweberin, 4 years ago
appreciation amused
again
wilhelm peter, 6 years ago
"use common sense" was what
my foster father told me in '63 - how...
Mr.Yoda, 6 years ago
stop worrying about stop-lists die
ägypter hatten 40 verbote die juden 10 plus zahlreicher verhaltensorders...
wilhelm peter, 6 years ago
I wonder why the
man doesn't just walk off ....
Mr.Yoda, 6 years ago
super
wilhelm peter, 6 years ago

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