SIMPLE TRUTH 1
Lovers help each other undress before sex.
However after sex, they always dress on their own.
Simple Truth: In life, no one helps you once you're screwed.

SIMPLE TRUTH 2
When a lady is pregnant, all her friends touch her stomach and say, "Congrats".
But, none of them touch the man's penis and say, "Good job".
Simple Truth: Some members of a team are never appreciated.

FIVE Other Simple Truths
1. Money cannot buy happiness, but it's more comfortable to cry in a Cadillac than on a bicycle.
2. Forgive your enemy, but remember the asshole's name.
3. If you help someone when they're in trouble, they will remember you when they're in trouble again.
4. Many people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.
5. Alcohol does not solve any problems but then neither does milk.

Bonus Truth: Condoms don't guarantee safe sex.
A friend was wearing one when he was shot by the woman's husband.