George P., an elderly man, from Tampa, Florida, was going up to bed, when his wife told him that he'd left the light on in the garden shed, which she could see from the bedroom window.

George opened the back door to go turn off the light, but saw that there were people in the shed stealing things.

He phoned the police, who asked
"Is someone in your house?"

He said
"No, but some people are breaking into my garden shed and stealing from me."

Then the police dispatcher said
"All patrols are busy. You should lock your doors and an officer will be along when one is available."

George said
"Okay."

He hung up the phone and counted to 30.
Then he phoned the police again.

"Hello, I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people stealing things from my shed. Well, you don't have to worry about them now because I just shot and killed them both. The dogs are eating them right now."
.. and he hung up.

Within five minutes, six Police Cars, a SWAT Team, a Helicopter, two Fire Trucks, a Paramedic, and an Ambulance showed up at the Phillips' residence, and caught the burglars red-handed.

One of the Policemen said to George ,
"I thought you said that you'd shot them!"

George said,
"I thought you said there was nobody available!"

A devout Muslim entered a black cab in London. He curtly asked the cabbie to turn off the radio because as decreed by his religious teaching, he must not listen to music because in the time of the prophet there was no music, especially Western music - which is the music of the infidel.
 
The cab driver politely switched off the radio, stopped the cab and opened the door. The Muslim asked him:
 
"What are you doing?"
 
The cabbie answered:
 
"In the time of the prophet there were no taxis,
so piss off and wait for a camel!"
 

[Thanks JJ, loved this!]