CALLER:
Is this Gordon's Pizza?

A NATIONAL COMPANY:
No sir, it's A National Company Pizza.

CALLER:
I must have dialed a wrong number. Sorry.

A NATIONAL COMPANY:
No sir, A National Company bought Gordon’s Pizza last month.

CALLER:
OK. I would like to order a pizza.

A NATIONAL COMPANY:
Do you want your usual, sir?

CALLER:
My usual? You know me?

A NATIONAL COMPANY:
According to our caller ID
data sheet, the last 12 times you called you ordered an extra-large pizza
with three cheeses, sausage, pepperoni, mushrooms and meatballs on a thick
crust.

CALLER:
OK! That’s what I want ...

A NATIONAL COMPANY:
May I suggest that this
time you order a pizza with ricotta, arugula, sun-dried tomatoes and
olives on a whole wheat gluten free thin crust?

CALLER:
What? I detest vegetables.

A NATIONAL COMPANY:
Your cholesterol is not good, sir.

CALLER:
How the hell do you know?

A NATIONAL COMPANY:
Well, we cross-referenced
your home phone number with your medical records. We have the result of
your blood tests for the last 7 years.

CALLER:!
Okay, but I do not want
your rotten vegetable pizza! I already take medication for my cholesterol.

A NATIONAL COMPANY:
Excuse me sir, but you have
not taken your medication regularly. According to our database, you only
purchased a box of 30 cholesterol tablets once, at Drug RX Network, 4
months ago.

CALLER:
I bought more from another drugstore.

A NATIONAL COMPANY:
That doesn’t show on your credit card statement.

CALLER:
I paid in cash.

A NATIONAL COMPANY:
But you did not withdraw enough cash according to your bank statement.

CALLER:
I have other sources of cash.

A NATIONAL COMPANY:
That doesn’t show on your
last tax return unless you bought them using an undeclared income source,
which is against the law.

CALLER:
WHAT !!!

A NATIONAL COMPANY:
I'm sorry, sir, we use such information only with the sole intention of
helping you.

CALLER:
Enough already! I'm sick to
death of A National Company, Facebook, Twitter, WhatsApp and all the others. I'm going
to an island without internet, cable TV, where there is no cell phone
service and no one to watch me or spy on me.

A NATIONAL COMPANY:
I understand sir, but you need to renew your passport first. It expired 6
weeks ago...