.... some of them are even funny.
So I'm sure they won't mind a little fun at their expense!

Q: Why do men become smarter during sex?

A: because they are plugged into a genius

Q: Why don't women blink during sex?

A: They don't have enough time

Q: Why does it take 1 million sperm to fertilize one egg?

A: They don't stop to ask directions

You're laughing, aren't you?!

Q: Why were men given larger brains than dogs?

A: So they won't hump women's legs at cocktail parties

Q: Why did god make men before women?

A: You need a rough draft before you make a final copy

C'mon guys, we laugh at your blonde jokes!

And my personal favorite:

Q: Why did god put men on earth?

A: Because a vibrator can't mow the lawn.

Remember, if you haven't got a smile on your face
and laughter in your heart
- then you are just an old sour fart!

One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his sweatshirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me,

'What setting do I use on the washing machine?'

'It depends,' I replied. 'What does it say on your shirt?'

He yelled back, 'University of Oklahoma.'

And they say blondes are dumb ...

A couple is lying in bed.
The man says,
'I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world.'

The woman replies,
'I'll miss you...'

'It's just too hot to wear clothes today,' Jack says as he stepped out of the shower, 'honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?'

'Probably that I married you for your money,' she replied.

Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?

A: A rumor.

The Woman's Prayer
Dear Lord,
I pray for Wisdom to understand my man; Love to forgive him; And Patience for his moods. Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength, I'll beat him to death. AMEN

Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?

A: You did not hold the pillow down long enough

Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?

A: Rename the mail folder 'Instruction Manual ...'

Tell about this to at least five bright, funny women you know and make their day!

And also tell this to five bright men who have enough sense of humor.

Checking out at the store, the young cashier suggested to the much older lady that she should bring her own grocery bags, because plastic bags are not good for the environment.

The woman apologized to the young girl and explained, "We didn't have this 'green thing' back in my earlier days."

The young clerk responded, "That's our problem today. Your generation did not care enough to save our environment for future generations."

The older lady said that she was right -- our generation didn't have the "green thing" in its day. The older lady went on to explain:

Back then, we returned milk bottles, soda bottles and beer bottles to the store. The store sent them back to the plant to be washed and sterilized and refilled, so it could use the same bottles over and over. So they really were recycled. But we didn't have the "green thing" back in our day.

Grocery stores bagged our groceries in brown paper bags that we reused for numerous things. Most memorable besides household garbage bags was the use of brown paper bags as book covers for our school books. This was to ensure that public property (the books provided for our use by the school) was not defaced by our scribblings. Then we were able to personalize our books on the brown paper bags.

But, too bad we didn't do the "green thing" back then.

We walked up stairs because we didn't have an escalator in every store and office building. We walked to the grocery store and didn't climb into a 300-horsepower machine every time we had to go two blocks.

But she was right. We didn't have the "green thing" in our day.

Back then we washed the baby's diapers because we didn't have the throw away kind. We dried clothes on a line, not in an energy-gobbling machine burning up 220 volts. Wind and solar power really did dry our clothes back in our early days.Kids got hand-me-down clothes from their brothers or sisters, not always brand-new clothing.

But that young lady is right; we didn't have the "green thing" back in our day.

Back then we had one TV, or radio, in the house -- not a TV in every room. And the TV had a small screen the size of a handkerchief (remember them?), not a screen the size of the state of Montana. In the kitchen we blended and stirred by hand because we didn't have electric machines to do everything for us. When we packaged a fragile item to send in the mail, we used wadded up old newspapers to cushion it, not Styrofoam or plastic bubble wrap. Back then, we didn't fire up an engine and burn gasoline just to cut the lawn. We used a push mower that ran on human power. We exercised by working so we didn't need to go to a health club to run on treadmills that operate on electricity.

But she's right; we didn't have the "green thing" back then.

We drank from a fountain when we were thirsty instead of using a cup or a plastic bottle every time we had a drink of water. We refilled writing pens with ink instead of buying a new pen, and we replaced the razor blade in a razor instead of throwing away the whole razor just because the blade got dull.

But we didn't have the "green thing" back then.

Back then, people took the streetcar or a bus and kids rode their bikes to school or walked instead of turning their moms into a 24-hour taxi service in the family's $45,000 SUV or van, which cost what a whole house did before the"green thing." We had one electrical outlet in a room, not an entire bank of sockets to power a dozen appliances. And we didn't need a computerized gadget to receive a signal beamed from satellites 23,000 miles out in space in order to find the nearest burger joint.

But isn't it sad the current generation laments how wasteful we old folks were just because we didn't have the "green thing" back then?

We don't like being old in the first place, so it doesn't take much to piss us off... Especially from a tattooed, multiple pierced smartass who can't make change without the cash register telling them how much.

"THE INFORMATION VACUUM"
» .. When I realize that I have made a mistake I am the first to admit it, preferring that you hear it from me than someone else. I have long been baffled, confused, and rather resentful of the fact that so many live in such an advanced state of denial in light of the grave dangers we face. Admittedly this is indeed the case for many as they are aware that something is dreadfully wrong with this nation and they turn away, simply not wanting to know more. My error comes from assuming that the bulk of our uninformed people fall into this group. That is not necessarily so and there is a great difference between living in denial and living in ignorance. One is the result of an unwillingness to face reality and the other is not knowing what reality truly is. Both are equally dangerous but one is somewhat more easy to forgive than the other .. «
[Source of this Quote: FIX BAYONETS]

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